What happened to The Story Queen?

Michael Danahey's story about the magical girl who changed his life needed a second voice - Rebecca's. I'm rewriting the book as a third person narrative from both points of view. The new story has been recoined The Vagrant.

Why the change? My original novel just didn't fly with literary agents and contest judges. I want to get the darn thing published. Trying to sell a first person point of view novel is a difficult task for a first-time novelist.

More importantly, several wonderful scenes from Rebecca's POV exploded into my head. She kicked the door down to let herself in.

You might think rewriting an entire novel to change the narrative style is tough enough, but that's the least of my worries. Michael's motivation had to be strengthened, particularly early in the story. Occasional passive sentence structure weakened my voice throughout the book. (Find all uses of that in your own work - a great way to flag passive sentences. Then go to work on other losers such as was, were, so, because, there). Finally, I have a frustrating tendency to tell rather than show Michael's emotions and reactions to things. Somehow, I don't have this problem with Rebecca. Go figure.

I started the rewrite two months ago. Despite the fact I've spent almost all my leisure time on the thing, I'm only a third of the way through the book. But that's okay. This has been the most absorbing, enjoyable project I ever worked on. I'm an alchemist, turning tin into gold! All other WIPs are on the back burner until I finish this one.

Special thanks to eharlequin. I used their bulletin board to find a critique partner. After two unsuccessful attempts, I had the great luck of finding a writer whose skill level matches mine. She's a wizard at identifying duplicate words and the queen of showing not telling. When this novel gets published, she'll be the first one I mention in the dedication.

Joe